Between My Sheets

I will be in Daddy’s arms in one week for a full 9 days. Yay.

Submission means so many things for so many people. Often, I see subs say that they’ve been used by their dom, and I’m sure I’ve even said that myself on occasion. But really, is "used" what we really want?

For some reason, the word "used" has a dirty connotation to me. I’ve been used before, and it is not fun or rewarding…it is objectifying. Maybe for some people, that is what submission is about.

But I tend to think that objectification and "being used" aren’t really the same thing either. I mean, there is something really primal and sexual about being objectified, but at the end of the day, if you are done so by people who don’t give a fuck about you, isn’t that just demeaning?

Point in case - say you’re in a submissive relationship and your dom asks you to serve as a topless hostess at a cocktail party. You’re very uncomfortable, humiliated even. At the end of the night though, your dom takes you home, wraps you in his arms, and you know you made him happy. His agenda doesn’t matter - you made him happy. So, he might be training you or maybe he just enjoys looking at your naked body or maybe he simply likes pushing you, showing off his dominance to others. You were used, but in a good way.

Same situation, but this time, your boss at work tells you that you’re going to be a topless hostess at a cocktail party. If you don’t do it, you lose your job. (Yeah, I know, this can’t happen, but roll with it here.) Maybe you get turned on by being objectified like that while you’re in the moment, especially with others staring at your body. However, your submission and objectification isn’t linked to anything or anyone. At the end of the night, you’re just being used by people who don’t care if you die tomorrow.

On some level, it is about consent, but on another level, it is about something more. Being used is what kills the spirit, but submitting to someone using you can make you feel alive for the first time.

I guess it is a matter of what happens after you are used. If you’re thrown away, that isn’t a healthy kind of submission. Stuff like that sucks the soul dry…

I usually don’t write straight toy reviews - I prefer instead to tell you about a time Daddy and I used the toy. Recently, though, I got an email question, and I’ve had this toy in my arsenal for awhile…so here’s my recommendation!

The email:

Hi Rori,

I noticed you write a lot about anal. Do you have any tips for someone who enjoys it but doesn’t have much experience? What toys should I buy?

~P

Ok, first of all, I have to say from personal experiences, you are on the right track, dear reader, especially if you’re nervous or unsure about trying anal. Toys are great for testing things out back there! And, since you asked, here’s one of my favorites:

Ok, it looks a little funky, but hear me out. This toy is called the Wanda, and it’s great for men OR women interested in anal sex. Well, I’m assuming. I’m not a man obviously!!!

Last time I was allowed to masturbate, I played with this toy a little. Anally, I’m tight. Maybe that is TMI, but the reason why that’s relevant is that this toy is small enough for anal virgins or those who are just naturally tight. It’s really easy to slip into your pussy to get it a little wet so you can slide it into your ass. And yes - pussy juice or not, I def recommend lube of some sort!

Because it has a small tip and gets increasingly larger, it is a great “training wheels” toy, and if you decide that anal isn’t your thing, it makes a great vaginal dildo as well. My favorite part, though, is that the silicone is rigid enough to make anal entry easy, but flexible enough to be comfortable. Bonus points: it is phthalate-free - so no worries on the icky chemicals front!

One downside - this is more of a solo toy than a couples toy. Daddy and I haven’t played with it, and I doubt we will (unless he decide he wants to). It’s not “pluggy” enough to stay in during rough sex, but because of the shape, it isn’t really an “in-and-out” toy. So, solo getting ready for anal, yes. Couples play, eh.

When you try anal for the first time with someone else, start slow. Don’t force it in…slow is good. Push in, push in a little more, push in a little more…and don’t forget to breath. It will most certainly hurt at first, but it is a good kind of hurt.

Hope that answers your question! Maybe some other people will leave toy recommendations in the comments!